Last week I listed my struggles in my journal.
Every single one I could think of I wrote it down.
It's a bit hard to see a list of things that seem impossible to overcome.
Yet...I needed to write them down...and then lay them down.
I am terrible at laying things down before Him.
My struggles usually are head vs. heart...or the hope and despair kind.
My head and heart struggles are no a given day... my worth, my weight, negative thoughts, fear, trust....
The hope and despair are often of the waiting in so many areas, being alone vs loneliness, fear, trust....
Some days as I prepare for bed I wonder why I am so exhausted and realize at times it is because of fighting so hard.
This year, my year of dare, is also about daring to trust Him in all things.
While I am working on it I still try most days to do it in my own strength.
Never has that been more apparent that this last week as I try to wait patiently to see if I got this job I want so badly.
Morning time would be praying and giving it over to Him....
by 2 p.m. I would have take the problem back and wrestle between hope that I would get it but telling myself all the positive things about the interview and my skills...and the despair in telling myself I had to be kidding there was no way I would get it...by tearing myself down and assuming the worst.
Then later in the quiet I would lay it back down at His feet....
The back and forth.
And I must decide to fully trust or continue to be exhausted and weary.
I feel such peace when I lay things down before Him... yet I like control and want to control (okay I want the illusion of control) in my life.
It's funny how one little revelation snowballs until you see before you that most of your struggles originate from one place...
and that that thing you thought you had a come a long way in...that trust thing... is still a big work in progress.
As for the waiting thing... my friend, Amanda, tweeted this verse and it's my Word to cling to this week.
And my list of struggles....I will see them in my journal often and remember that I am laying them down because I trust Him. Because He knows me better than even I know myself.
I am going to work on that being enough.
What Word are you clinging too this week?
P.S. Thank you SO much for your kind words on my new endeavor, Delighted Designs. Also if you are interested in guesting during my series on prayer please email me! I would adore you visiting my internet home with your words. <3