I like control.
I like a schedule.
Messy is not my favorite thing. (Contrary to the state of my room right now....ha!)
Chaos can make me withdraw faster than anything I know.
Give me a quiet, scheduled life and I would be one happy girl.
Faith is messy.
Belief in God is messy.
Freedom, daring, adventure, life...is messy.
That's what I have been learning this year.
The idea for this post came weeks ago but it did not come together for me until today.
You see... when my niece wants to hand something messy/gross to someone...it's me she chooses.
One day she had put a cookie in her mouth but then decided she didn't like it so she headed straight for me ready to spit it in my hand. Sighing...I held out my hand and there she spit it. My stomach rolled with nausea and my family laughed. I am the one that does not do messy/gross well.
Of all of us (my Mum, brother, and sister-in-law) she chose me to handle the mess.
She trust me to put my hand up, catch the mess, and deal with it.
It sounds simple but that night as I lay in bed...it occurred to me that maybe there is a purpose to her choosing me.
There is beauty to be found in the messy.
For Sass and I...it's about knowing I will be there to help. She trust me to open my hand and help her.
It's a beautiful basis for our relationship as Aunt and Niece.
It's a beautiful basis for our relationship with Christ.
When you think of brokenness... it's messy.
For me... embracing my brokenness has helped me experience freedom in ways I never thought possible.
Jesus uses our brokenness in profound ways.
It boggles my mind that my brokenness brings Him glory. Brings Him delight...because it's a part of me.
Right now...the waiting, the frustration, the confusion, the direction-less, the emotions that are all over the place... my life...is messy.
The freedom is wonderful... the mess is not.
It's been overwhelming the last few weeks.
I am realizing though at a certain point you just have to embrace it.
To let it be what it is.
To see Him in the middle of it.
Knowing He is there.
Knowing He is control.
Knowing He is trustworthy.
Knowing He has a plan.
Knowing He cares.
Knowing this will not last forever.
Knowing this will become a beautiful basis for my relationship with Him.
So now...I learn to embrace the messy.
It's scares me. But knowing Him it will be worth it.
Do you deal well with messy? Or is control more your thing?